How do I help someone that needs help?
Confronting a loved one, friend or family member struggling with addiction can be a difficult and emotional journey. The most important step to start with is to educate yourself on addiction. Get as much information as possible about addiction, the different theories behind it, the drug that the person concerned is using and behaviour associated with the drug. Read up on the reasons why people become addicted in the first place, what cravings are, how withdrawal symptoms present and how addiction is treated (usually a combination of psychological and psychiatric intervention). Speak to an addiction counsellor, psychologist or doctor to add to your knowledge bank. There is often undue shame in not being emotionally healthy, but seeking help from a therapist can also be stigmatised inside of social circumstances.
Once you have educated yourself on addiction, gear yourself up for a difficult conversation. If they’ve expressed sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness to you, acknowledge their feelings and suggest therapy as a possible solution.
Accept that you will be addressing an uncomfortable topic and, as such, there will be barriers. Mentally prepare yourself for possible denial, anger, refusal or even manipulation from the person. Remind yourself that many people with these conditions secretly hope someone will actually help them but often are terrified of the tasks that lay ahead. The task will demand commitment, effort, time, patience and perseverance from you as much as them. Different people will have different thresholds. For some, they will be tempted to turn their back on the person at the first sign of manipulation. However, you can choose not to let this type of behaviour derail you. Decide how far you are prepared to go and stick to it. During the conversation, the following pointers can help to have the best result:
Tips when talking to someone who is addicted:
- Respect the person
- Stay calm
- Be honest
- Listen carefully without judging or interrupting.
- Do not react negatively to feedback
- Show empathy
- Do not engage in arguments
- Do not take the high ground (do not preach, lecture, moralise, blame, threaten).
- Do not ‘take over’
- Express your concern that the person has developed a problem.
- Ask what is worrying the person or causing the abuse.
- Talk about your own experiences with unpleasant emotions (not ones caused by them).
- Suggest treatment (use the knowledge gained from your research).
- Reassure the person about detoxification, medication and life after rehab (their greatest fear is what will happen when their drugs are taken away).
- Promise to support the person during the treatment period.
- Offer to help the person to seek funding for the treatment.
- Ask the person if there are others who they think can help, such as family, friends.
- Offer to talk to the person’s employer (to reduce their anxiety).
- Offer to take the person to a doctor to prevent relapse.
- Do not push too hard for agreement – rather tell the person you will talk again later.
- If your talks fail, ask an experienced addiction counsellor to advise you on the way forward.
What we say matters
Carefully chosen expressions of love and encouragement are priceless when supporting a friend or family member in recovery. These words will help you express your support effectively.
I love you. People in recovery often struggle with guilt and shame over how they treated others while using drugs or alcohol themselves. As a result, they may feel unlovable. Telling someone that is struggling that you love them sends a powerful message of support. Addiction causes people to do and say things they would not normally do or say and this can cause great harm to relationships. To love someone but despise their behaviour is perfectly acceptable. Recognising your feelings and complexities can help you move forward in the relationship.
Talk to me, I’m here for you. Because of the stigma surrounding substance addictions, many people suffer in silence. Desperately seeking attention, they begin to believe they are alone in their battle with addiction.
Giving someone hope means sharing your own recovery storey, finding sober role models nearby, or pointing out that roughly 10% of people have battled addiction at some point in their lives. Encouraging your loved one to talk about their addiction can help them feel less alone in their quest for sobriety.
This won’t last forever. Substance addictions make people feel hopeless and trapped. It enslaves us and makes us forget who we were. But recovery is a step towards regaining control over your life. You are no longer a slave to the disease. And sobriety can help you regain that sense of freedom you once had. Whatever you are going through keep going it won’t last forever. Humans often try to rush into tasks or goals, but this approach doesn’t work with addiction recovery. Addiction recovery requires taking it one step at a time. A little bit every day helps.
You are not alone, we all need help sometimes. The reality is that we all need help from time to time. A broken leg or wisdom teeth cannot be fixed at home, so there is no reason to self-medicate or self-treat addiction. Addiction is a brain disorder. Neither a character flaw nor a willpower issue. Recovering permanently requires a full continuum of care.
Many of us believe we will never be able to give up drugs or alcohol, but we underestimate our own strength. We could give up and go back to our old ways, but we can beat this disease once and for all. Focus, determination, and hard work suffice.
How are you feeling? Self-medicating anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders often leads to substance abuse. Encouraging your loved ones to express themselves helps them develop positive self-care strategies.
You don’t have to be their therapist just by asking how they feel. Listening is often the best way to learn. You can share your personal experience if applicable. Encouraging your loved one to talk to their counsellor about specific issues.
What can I do for you? Don’t assume you know what your loved one needs because no two people with a substance use disorder are alike. Others prefer secular support while others thrive on 12-Step programmes like Alcoholics Anonymous. Some people find sobriety through holistic methods like yoga and art therapy, while others find it through more conventional methods. Until you ask, you won’t know what works for them.
Asking what your loved one needs also empowers them by putting them in charge of their own recovery. For example, if you know that getting to appointments or completing insurance forms is difficult, you can respectfully offer your help.
Let’s hang out. A previous social circle built around drinking or using drugs often leaves new sobers lonely. Sober activities are a great way to show support.
Keep on Keeping on. Addiction recovery requires constant patience and maintenance. Some have relapsed due to addiction triggers. Even if you make mistakes and regret them, your journey is not over. Addiction-free living is achievable and worthwhile, so keep on keeping on you are getting there.
I’m so proud of you. People in recovery often feel discouraged when they aren’t progressing as quickly as they had hoped, and making major life changes is never easy. Relapse is more likely without recovery support.
Let them know you appreciate their efforts and are proud of the progress they’ve made. A 30-day sobriety chip or finishing residential treatment are important milestones for your loved one, celebrate with them.
Professional Help
Rehabilitation centres employ professional therapists and trained personnel who specialise in addiction treatment, including intervention techniques. Call the number at the top of this page for more advice or to arrange a confidential interview to discuss your unique circumstances. People recover from even the most addictive substances on the planet EVERY DAY forget the stigma and move forward on your own path to recovery. It’s only natural to want to help someone you care about when they’re not well. While this person is likely grateful for your help, there is only so much a friend, family member, or even a partner can do. They may need to see a professional who can give them unbiased advice and insight. But admitting you need therapy isn’t always easy. Many people reject the idea that they can’t solve problems alone.
Getting Therapy
The decision to seek therapy can cause a range of conflicting emotions. You may feel relieved that you are finally making progress in your life. You may be afraid of the unknown. Returning to therapy for a second, third, or fourth time may make you feel defeated.
It’s difficult to watch loved ones struggle with low moods and depression, especially when we know they could be helped. But how can you tell a loved one you think therapy could be beneficial without upsetting or alienating them?
Whatever you’re feeling, remember that taking the first step to getting the help you need is a victory worth celebrating. Seeking professional help means you know there is something better out there for you. It also means you’ve decided to prioritise your health.
When worry, shame, or hopelessness get the best of you, follow these steps to make the process of seeking help a little easier.
It’s important to know what you’re saying and to keep your own desires separate. Just because you don’t like someone, or they’ve changed in ways you don’t like, doesn’t mean they need counselling.
Taking a daily pill to solve your problems may sound appealing. What a relief! Medicine is not a panacea for mental and emotional issues.
Medication can help with some symptoms but has side effects. It also cannot solve “big picture” issues. Medication won’t fix your relationships, help you figure out your life path, or explain why you keep making unhealthy choices.
Therapy can be difficult and time-consuming because it involves dealing with difficult emotions and thoughts. Beyond symptom relief, therapy has long-term benefits. Therapy helps you improve your relationships with others, create the life you want for yourself, and deal with life’s unexpected twists and turns.
For many people, experience is a major factor in choosing between therapy and counselling. Find a therapist who has experience treating your issues. Therapists often specialise in areas like depression or eating disorders. Experienced therapists have seen similar issues before, which broadens their perspective and insight. And for some issues, like trauma or PTSD, a specialist is required.
Among therapists, informed consent is common. It simply means that the client should be informed of the benefits and risks of therapy or a particular treatment or technique so that they can make an informed decision.
The therapy’s philosophy is less important than your relationship with your therapist.
The model of therapy, like your car, will help you move forward to a more fulfilling life if you feel comfortable and trusting in that relationship. This will happen regardless of why you are in therapy.
